I'm never going to stop growing. If I stop growing, I'm dead.
And yes, a lot of the growth I'm experiencing means learning and re-learning and re-re-learning the same lessons. But those are the hard lessons, the ones that sound sweet when you speak them into existence, but are a bitch to really learn.
It seems like every time I blink I have a new lesson to learn, a new area I need to grow in. And every other time I blink, I'm being reminded of those lessons and that I'm still learning. Growth is a process, right?
A huge area I'm being challenged over and over again in is with relationships. Relational growth is beautiful and wonderful and so fruitful, BUT SO PAINFUL SOMETIMES. Sorry for the capslock, but that's a curse of my twitter-happy generation and how we express ourselves. Just be thankful I can't insert emojis in here.
Wait, what was I talking about?
Right, relationships. Childhood friendships are the best, they're built into every area of life: school, activities, neighborhoods, your parents' friends. It's convenient and awesome. High school gets tricky because of certain factors (read: BOYS) but still so convenience based. I mean, between classes, dance and youth group, I had automatic friends for whatever I was doing. Some of those friendships go the distance, while others drift away after graduation.
College, you're on your own, but surrounded by literally hundreds of potential friends. You spend four years constantly making new friends. Some are your forever-and-ever, home team friends. Others are great for a season and easy to [mutually] walk away from. And then there are the ones you think will last forever. You plan on being each other's bridesmaids, taking trips together, what it'll be like to have kids and jobs and how different life will be, but how your friendship will last. And then it doesn't.
Losing friends is a hard thing to grasp. It's something that doesn't happen all at once, but gradually. You move away, your priorities change, you drift apart. It's completely natural, but no matter how many people warn you, you'll never be prepared. You can cling so tightly to those relationships, but if they are meant to be forever, they'll be forever. Yes, they take work, but equal work from both parties--you'll strangle your side trying to hold on if they don't reciprocate.
Relationships are something we put so much into. So much of life involves interacting with other people. The Christian life is something lived in community. But relationships are not a static thing, they are organic and natural and constantly changing. Relational growing pains are so hard, but produce such beautiful fruit. (I promise I'm not talking about marriage and sex and babies here, I'm being much more metaphorical than that...Promise)
24 is a weird age and a weird place in life. "Your 20s" looks different for EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF. US. Our growth looks different, our challenges are different. We hurt differently, but we need each other so deeply, so desperately. Community, y'all. It's a buzzword for a reason.
I'm never going to stop growing, and while I hope I finally learn some lessons, and that those lessons resonate deep, I also hope that I continue to be challenged. I don't want to grow stagnant. I don't want to stop growing.
This probably makes no sense, but I'm just realizing lately how hard friendships can be, how hard your 20s can be, and how beautiful it can be if you keep your head up and stay strong. I've lost some wonderful friends, but have made some incredible new ones. There is an ebb and flow to life, and it's probably best to go with the flow and let yourself grow.
