seasons

Sometimes life is hard, it's hard to trust that God is with me. Sometimes it can be really, really hard. Really lonely. Exhausting, trying to have hope and faith.

It can be hard to remember that God is truly good. Not because of anything He does, but because the noise of the world can be so much louder than His still, small voice.

From the outside, life looks good. Full time job, above minimum wage pay, loving home, caring friends. I have my freedom, more than so many can say. I have a roof over my head, more food than I could ever need. I'm good.

But I think because so many things are seemingly perfect and good, I expect everything to be that way. I have grown selfish, expecting more than I need. Expecting everything to be perfect. I want what I want and expect to get it. I expected to get a sick job right out of my internships and then to make enough money to get an apartment right away... but I forgot something.

I forgot that life isn't about me. The world doesn't revolve around me. Things don't exist just to make me happy. I'm not the center of the universe, making myself happy isn't the point of my existence, or anyone else's existence. It isn't about me.

Life can be hard, and I'm realizing that it's ok if life is hard. My life may look fine, but it can be hard. We all experience our own hardships, and that's ok. It's ok to feel what I'm feeling, to struggle. I shouldn't feel guilty about being upset with how life is going. I need to let these growing pains come and I need to work through them. If I want to live my life for Jesus, in step with the Holy Spirit, then I'll continually be growing. And growth requires growing pains, and that's ok.

There's a time for laughter and joy and easy living, and there's a time for mourning and growing pains and tears. No seasons is exempt from either, and there is a beauty in all of it. The beauty that Christ is with me no matter what, even if I can't hear Him. No matter how far away I turn, no matter how far I fall, He's there. No matter what, no matter what season I'm in, He's there. My comfort. Always.

So here's to a season of growing pains, of letting go of bitterness and false expectations, of surrendering the idols I've made of career and success, of trusting the process, and of clinging to Jesus.